First generation involves a circus and the life of Quill Grey Haze. This will be my third DITFT and already have a prologue and chapter up for your guys reading pleasure. I hope you enjoy. :3

See ya on my new blog.

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Bye Y’all! See Ya in 3 Months~

Alright, I didn’t mention it on here but now I am.

I will be gone Sunday (tomorrow) for pretty much 3 months with a summer job. I hated for Amours to be sitting out that long and this is why I chose to write as much as I could before I left and end it there. (explaining 4 chapters and not the full 13)


The epilogue ending was cause the island they landed on was on purpose. It is an island that is filled with people who are in tune with nature (plant sims, deer sims ect) and don’t want to be known to modern society so it is rather secretive where this island is except for perhaps the pilot and Q.T. Pie. I probably should have explained it a bit better but the Amour boys think they are on a stranded island and that the plane crashed. In actuality they didn’t and are being observed by the tribe.

I will probably use Emmy and Spindle to play around with Island Paradise in between job switches in 2 months for the few days I have before I leave again. No actual posts, but I will probably share some pictures here, BUT EXPECIALLY on my Tumblr (<-click)

UPON MY RETURN FOR GOOD  I will be starting a new DITFT.  It starts with a circus and to meet the troupe and cast feel free to look over at these beauties right here. Yes there is a big cast but I have big plans and I hope you all are as excited as I for this to happen.

(I will give the link here for the new blog and on tumblr as it has yet to be created) 

LOOK AT  THIS. It made me cry. And Amours Tribute Video. 

So yes, this is goodbye. Not forever but just until I get back from all the summer job stuff and I hope to see all your wonderful faces upon my return. :3


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Colors of Amour: Gen15 ~ Epilogue: Spindle and Eminence Amour


Targets have made it. Targets have landed. Targets are here. 

The boys washed up on an island confused and disoriented. They clung to each other, eyes wide and drenched to the bone. Shivering the made their way past the sand and onto the grass flopping exhausted.

Neither said anything too focused on the fact they were alive. One asked if the plane crashed the other looked rather shell shocked as he scanned the ocean but saw no plane in sight. That boy turned to the other and looked frightened.

They were stranded.

If only, if only they knew what laid in store. If only, they knew the plans in the making. If only, there was time to explain. If only, silence held the answer. If only, things could be told. But not yet, not yet. If only now.


Hours passed and they made themselves shelter and food from coconuts. The weren’t sure in their plan of action but the need to survive quickly launched them into action of getting necessities that they had collected now. They didn’t move far from the beach even while collecting wood and things. They choose huddling close to each other for warmth as their clothes -or at least what little remained hung by the fire to dry.

Things linger in the dark. Things watch them not knowing. Careful things need time to observe. Things need time to trust. 

A week passes like this. They start to lose hope. Still they don’t venture into the forest. Still they stay near the beach, still hopeful. They wonder out loud if a plane will spot them and bring them home. They listen and keep an ear out for such.

Planes don’t come out to see. They no not of the shores here. Secrets kept. Must protect. Planes bring people. People are bad. Outsiders. Like you two. But you two are different. Remind us of her. Tales of them, but chose never to go near. Observed those outsiders many moons ago. Different now. Times change but still need to be the same. Life is precious. Secrets kept. If only, if only. Time may tell. Silence holds the answers. Plans in the making.


Month passes. They start venturing in the forest, but not far. Still clinging to the hope help will come and uncertainly of what lays in the forest, they don’t seem to go far. They search forest edge keeping an eye on the beach as they do it.  They only take what they need and have made a make-shift fishing pole. Their shack, which doesn’t look like much but is sturdy on even the stormiest of days, has shifted through the days for preparations of staying for longer then they’d like.

Soon. Plans in the making. To become actions. Time may tell. Mutters of having a scout. Make sure they are the people they search for. Must not tell they were summoned. Must not say they be watched. It be no good. No good. Soon. Silence holds answers. Just not yet can you tell what they are.


One day they run across a young boy dressed like the wilds. They are confused. Another person on the island beside themself? They try speaking but this young child does not speak their tongue. One offers the boy food they were making. It is a small offering, but big in the eyes which are unseen by these outsiders.

They are kind. They will do. They will integrate. They will learn. They shall live. They stay. Peace on the island as it goes through another cycle. Tribe can be rebuilt. Men sent good for island. Chose to stay, we hope. If only, if only, silence held all the answers. Time may tell. Time will tell.

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Colors of Amour: Gen15.2: Spindle Amour


They were just lines. Though now, since I didn’t want to sit around home all day, I had turned my lines from the paper into an actual career. I built and remodeled homes for people. Lines I could touch besides the smudge of graphite.

People seemed to, for the most part enjoy my work. There were some who just didn’t seem happy at all no matter what you did. Others who you could just couldn’t help but smile as they walked into their new room, getting excited about the fact I’d made it quite a bit under budget and made their space so beautiful and new looking. An then there was a handful whom more wanted the company then any actual work being done.


Sometimes that would lead to questions and concerns about the gossip latest about my family. Mostly dealing with my brother and some of my mother. Even some of me. A few times even my grandmas and great-grandparents were mentioned. Oh and a bit of Aunt Carrara for when some of the local gossipers got heated up enough to dig into our life.

I couldn’t really tell you what was so interesting about it all.

To be completely honest, sometimes I’d have to grab the mp3 Marron had filled with music for me just to block it all and really focus on the task at hand to even go about getting any work done. If there was work to be done. Sometimes I felt people just invited me over to their homes to gawk at me rather than a remodel of a bathroom or new addition. 

Does that sound bad of me to say?


Most of my clients are actually very nice people. Like take Miss Daisy for instance. An older lady who had landed herself some wealth from the lotto when she turned 18 and whom had never married – “Never will either. Papa tried making me chose a suitor but I just won the lottery and got out of that town”, – and had no kids of her own.

I did her kitchen would take me out for lunch with her since she hated dining alone and for the obvious fact that she couldn’t very well make herself anything to eat with the kitchen being taken apart. I’d drive her to the cafe, since she didn’t have a car, which usually would set her into a fit of giggles – “It’s just reminds me of a movie I saw long while back, mind you ’twas different but that title … gets me every time. Reason I never learned to drive you know? Got to get your kicks somehow” – until we got there. 


We’d chat, about normal stuff like movies and favorite hobbies, over lunch. Told me she didn’t believe any of the stories going because gossip -“You’d think it be outlawed by now of spreadin’ lies of other people. Life’s to short to be worryin’ about that.”-was just something horrible thing to do to another human.  Sometimes she’d speak of her childhood and other things of her past, but never asked or made me feel pressured to share.

She’d ask to help with the renovations sometimes over our lunch but normally by the time we’d make it back she’d have already changed her mind. Okay, near the end I managed to get her to help with laying down the tile and painting. She had fun with that.

Even told me she might give me a ring if she planned on doing her bathroom.

* * * *


It was actually Miss Daisy who was the reason me and my brother, Emmy, were heading out of town. She had a niece by the name of Q.T. Pie whom was in need of both our expertise with a revamping the community project she had going on.

“It shouldn’t take us much more then a few months,” I told Eminence as we waited in the airplane terminal It take at least two planes for us to get there, “Perhaps only a month for you, depending so you could head back whenever.”

Emmy shrugged, “True.”

“Don’t stay because of me,” I told him. “I’ve been getting better with my attacks and I brought all my meds I’ll need. Plus Miss Daisy wouldn’t put me in a situation where I could get in such a bad state. She said it wouldn’t be all that stressful.”


“If you say so, Spindle,” said Eminence teasing me. He then leaned back, “Do you even know where we are going? I never heard of this… place.”

“Q.T. and Miss Daisy had set everything up.” I replied, surprisingly relaxed. At this point I had done a lot of remodeling for Miss Daisy she was sort of another member of the Amour clan like Aunt Rara was technically not related by blood or marriage. “So relax.”

He laughed “I am relaxed. I mean have you met my last on-going client. He’s a handful. I had to make him a good warehouse of stuff just for when I’m gone so he doesn’t throw a tantrum about having nothing to wear.”

I stared at Emmy, “Your joking right?”


“Hardly. Kid is nutso sometimes if you don’t know how to put up with his attitude. Cause I dish it right back at him which seems to work.”

“Yeah, this will be easy-peasy for you then.”

“Yep.” grinned Eminence. “As long as they aren’t all acting like that we are right as rain.”

We didn’t have to wait long for the plane we’d be riding to be ready and after a 3 hour flight we were transferred onto another, smaller plane.


Well, after needing to be directed where to go because it wasn’t on the list of coming and going flights and there were some whom we asked who never heard of the plane. But finally a nice janitor helped us out by leading us to where there was the plane that take us.

It was sort of freaky -and I might have took an anxiety pill to calmy my nerves- being in a 3 person plane instead of a big airline carrier like we had been in for the other flight.  I mean seriously it was just me, Emmy, and the pilot a big burly man whom did nothing but grunt annoyed at the sight of us since we were twenty minutes late on getting to the plane.

I really questioned going through with this, but I just told myself it was because it was such a small plane in a big airport and that is why it wasn’t well known.


Unlike me, Emmy was really enjoying this plane. Even before we took off, he was looking at most everything. You’d think with how much he was liking this he hadn’t just been on a plane for 3 hours just before now. And some of his questions did little to settle my nerves.

“Hey! Hey Spindle do you think the plane shakes with the wind?”

I might have turned a bit green at the thought.


“I hope not,” I muttered as I glanced back at my luggage that I hadn’t had stored in cargo hold because the stuff Emmy had brought filled most of it so there wasn’t room in this small plane to put it all there and I had settled for the simpler route of putting a case of my luggage behind my seat.

Before long, the plane took off and somehow Emmy was snoring next to me. How could he sleep during such a ride over water, I will never know. The plane ride was going well too until we suddenly hit a bad batch of turbulence.

I remember screaming like a when the pilot jerked the wheel an we were facing the water. I think I started cursing, and telling the pilot to pull up. Praying that we wouldn’t crash. Fearing that we would. My heart was racing a million miles a minute….


And then there was darkness.

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Colors of Amours: Gen15.1: Eminence Amour


I had graduated a few months earlier then the rest of my classmates. In part because I had put extra time and effort into my schooling but another of it came from the fact I was just ready to get out of there.

School was too restricting and I already knew the toughness of the real world. I had grown up with exactly how cruel life could be. Some of my teachers, and peers, who didn’t appreciate my talents with fabric told me I should stop. That I should grow up, what I did was weird, and that I should look for a real job since the fashion industry was so fickle.

But I didn’t want to give this up.


I loved every second, practically able to hear the fabric speak to me on what I wanted to create. I mean for prom I had made some of my classmates whom couldn’t afford such a fancy thing as a dress for only a few hours wear came to me and, if I might add, looked steller in the dresses I had custom designed for them. Oh no, I was not going to give it up unless I didn’t like doing it anymore. That was just the way it was going down.

And happily the local salon had hired me fresh out of high school cause they had heard of my fresh talent from people around the town. And even better about my new job was the fact the people that worked there didn’t seem to mind I changed clothes so often. Even sometimes being woman’s wear since I wasn’t going to be bias on that. I mean I had to wear things to make sure they worked well, wouldn’t want someone wearing my clothes and not feeling like they were a second skin and natural part of their selves.


“Hey Emmy.”

“Hey Primrose. Here for your wedding dress?”

“Is it ready?”

“Yep. Had added the finishing touches last night.” I replied with a cheerful grin, “Let me just run to the back and grab it. I’m sure Emerald wouldn’t mind some company. Her husband is suppose to be here any moment to pick her up from her appointment. While you wait for me to get back. Shouldn’t take more then a moment.”

I was gone and back just as Emerald was headed out the door.


Primrose was looking apprehensively at the plastic, moving nervously from one foot to the other. “Are you sure you don’t need another day? I could come back if you need-”

“No,” I replied giving her a warm smile since I knew she was just feeling pre-wedding jitters. As she, and her sister, had warned me about when they first entered the salon. Apparently she had tried on so many dresses before coming to me with this unique order because she couldn’t find exactly what she had in mind, and I made her my client even though she had only came in that first time for setting up her hair appointment. Holding my smile I waved her over to my work station, “I know it will look lovely on you as it is.”

Her cheeks grow a shade darker as she bows her head.

“Shall we go to the bathroom then for you to change? I’d have to help you get the dress on, though you can call your sister if you’d rather her help you put it on.”


She shook her head, “No, let’s just do this now.” She slipped past me and into the bathroom and then quickly undressed herself so she was just in her underwear.  She looked uncertain as she glanced back at me, “You sure it will fit?”

“Yes. Now close your eyes. I want to see your reaction with this dress on you. No second guessing, no feeling like you won’t be utterly amazing in your wedding dress. I promise, no, I swear- you’ll feel like a princess every moment you wear this.” And then I start taking the dress out of the bag, carefully eyeing Primrose to make sure she isn’t looking and make her slowly step into the dress and gently guide her back towards my station. “Open ’em.”


Her gasp is loud as she stares at herself in the mirrors. I can’t help but smile as she turns one way and then the next, her eyes brimming with tears. “It’s so beautiful, Emmy.”

“But it’s not even complete, I mutter grabbing the veil and clipping it into her hair. “There, now you’re perfect.”

She launches herself at me and gives me a hug. She is crying as she says “thank you” over and over, that the dress I made was beyond perfect, and that she couldn’t wait to see everyone’s face- especially her fiance- when she walked down the isle.

I laughed. “I promised you I wouldn’t disappoint.”


“It’s wonderful. Thank you so much.” She curses softly as she tries wiping her eyes and I hand her a tissue. I knew this had put a lot of stress on her for finding a dress, especially with the wedding not very faraway.

“I’m glad you like the dress. Any changes you think I need to make?”

Primrose shook her head, “It’s perfect.”

I helped her get out of her dress and set everything in the plastic so it wouldn’t get wrinkly. “If you need anything else don’t hesitate to call,” I told her as I watched her leave the salon with her wedding dress. I hadn’t charged her much more then the materials which was cheaper then any of the dresses she had looked at. Primrose was planning on leaving it at her sister’s house until the wedding, she explained as she left the salon in smiles.

* * * *


“Hey Auntie Rara,” I said kissing the side of her head, “How was Mom today?”

She sighed, “Same as always. She’s in her room. Oh, Spindle and Maroon should be getting back soon. They are bringing home supper.” Before I could ask about my younger siblings, Auntie Rara added, “Rose and Cherub are in the kitchen doing homework.”

“I’ll go see if they need any help then.” I replied heading off towards the kitchen where the two were talking in quiet voices about their homework. But as soon as I entered the room they stopped and looked over at me.

“You’re home!” said Cherub, getting up quickly to give me a hug.

“So I am.”


“Can you help me with this problem? I don’t know how to solve it. Like I’ve tried several times but I just don’t get the same number as the back of the book” Rose asked and I glanced at her paper and at her work she shown. Everything looked right to me.

“Have you considered that perhaps the back of the book is wrong?”

“Probably. . . I’ll ask my teacher about it tomorrow.” Rose muttered, closing her book notebook, “Thanks for that though.”

“Brother? Can I use your easel?” Cherub asked suddenly, tugging on my pant leg.

“Have you finished your  homework?” When I a guilty look crossed his face, I smiled, “Finish that up and I’ll let you paint after dinner okay?”



“Maroon and Spindle should be home soon with food. I’m going to go check on Mom if you need me.” I say and then grin, ” I bet there will be pizza, so you best make sure all your homework is done before they get home.”

“Mmm, pizza.” The two said and I laughed as I left to go towards the hallways and past my room to where Mom’s room was. I knocked once before opening it. “Mom, I’m back.”

As she had been for the last few years, she was staring at the TV not even acknowledging the world around her. My other siblings had slowly stopped spending a lot of time with her because they didn’t think she’d get better from this empty shell, but I had tried helping out with Mom. It be too much to ask her to handle our mother on her own.


I propped her up a bit and grabbed the brush from the nightstand and began brushing her hair. “You know I finished that wedding dress today. The girl, Primrose, she was really happy about it. I like making people happy like that Mom.” As normal, she didn’t seem to take note of my words or even that I was around. So I continued to speak, “I should make you a new dress. Would you like that Mom?”

I continued brushing her hair, only sound coming from the tv and my own voice, until I heard my older sister and brother coming inside and with my younger siblings shouting excitedly about pizza. I put the brush down and smiled at my mother, “Pizza’s here. I’ll save you a slice before everyone eats it all.


I headed towards the living room and grabbed myself a slice and a slice for Mom. I listened to Maroon talk about her day as Spindle went off to his room. Bad day, I figured by the looks of it, but I wasn’t about to ask. Instead I settled down with my pizza and relaxed.

You just had to take it a day at a time.

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Colors of Amour: Gen15.0: Eminence and Spindle Amour

** Eminence Amour ** 

He waited for the muffled, pained shouts coming from his older brother’s room to stop before glancing over at the clock next to his bed. A grown crossed his lips. 2 AM.


Eminence waited a few extra minutes in attempt to fall back into slumber but when sleep did not come, he rose slowly out of his bed and opening the door.  It was quiet, which came as a surprise since often with the occasional nightmare Spindle experienced would often trigger his younger brother, Cherub, to wake up and start screaming as well.

Emmy didn’t understand how either of his sisters could handle it. Especially when one was in the same room as Spindle. Though it had been her choice on the matter. Auntie Rara (who wasn’t actually there aunt but their mum’s old friend) had offered to give Maroon one of the bigger bedrooms but she had refused by saying it was more stability for Spindle if they shared instead because Maroon would feel more helpless in another room.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Auntie Rara asked as soon as he made his way into the kitchen.


Eminence shook his head. “Not after that.” He swept past her and grabbed an orange juice from the fridge. “Have the doctors decided if they are going to give Spindle new meds yet?”

She shook her head, “Didn’t sound like it. More just upping the douse.”

Eminence nodded slowly as he shifts from one foot to the other as he asks quietly, “Did they say anything about Ma?” He didn’t dare look up at his aunt, instead settled for sipping his drink and eyeing it with fake interest.

His Auntie Rara shrugged, “Condititon hasn’t improved. And they don’t think she will if she doesn’t try. And she doesn’t seem to want that which is a shame.”


“I’d wish she’d at least try for us.”

Rara forced a small, sad smile. “I know and maybe she will try for you guys. But it’s going to take time. Your mother has been through a lot.”

“We’ve all been through a lot,” Eminance replied, running his fingers through his hair. He sighed, “I just wish it was faster to see any sort of change. It’s been five years.”


“I know, but it is what it is. And if anything, at least Spindle has been making some head way with therapy. Better then how he’s been a year ago, don’t you agree.”

He nodded his head. Auntie Rara had recently bought this house as an attempt for a new slate for his brothers and sisters. There was hope that the change of scenery would be best for everyone, “Yeah.”

His aunt gave a tired smile as she moved towards the living room, “I’m going to check up on everyone. Don’t stay up to late.”

“I won’t.” Eminece promised.

** Spindle Amour** 


He was drenched in sweat from the nightmare that plauged his sleeping hours. Only sometimes though which made things harder to try and prepare for. He was always brought so off guard when the terrors of the night crept onto him.

He felt bad for the yelling. For he knew he did that much with his voice sore and raspy, but it was better that than thrashing about arms flailing wildly as he tried hurting anything within his reach. That wasn’t to say he hadn’t, but he didn’t feel any pain coming from his hands he knew if he hadn’t connected with anything.

Marroon watched him cross legged from her bed. “Did you want some water?”



She nodded before rising and left the room. A shiver ran down his spine as he did not like this feeling of being alone in this room, vulnerable  but his sister was back almost instantly as she handed him a glass with he took with a murmur of thanks.

The cool water was refreshing and a much needed to ebb away any last moments of bad dreams. Only half empty, Spindle raised the glass to his face and let the water cool his heated cheeks before draining the rest of it’s contents.

“Emmy was up.” Maroon said taking back the glass.

Spindle looked down at his feet. “Ah.”


Her eyes were soft as she bent down to look at her brother whom just turned his head to look at the wall where his Aunt Rara had decided to hang one of his sketches. Though all the saw was a bunch of lines. Maroon’s voice broke his thoughts, “He asked if you were alright. And I said you were doing okay for the circumstances.”

“I think you should go to bed.” Spindle muttered pushing her back so as he could stand up and slowly made his way to his drawing table. “I’m going to stay up a bit.”

“Just don’t stay up to later, brother.”

He grunted in response as he settled down in the chair and grabbed a protractor starting to draw lines onto the paper. He didn’t focus on what he was doing as his hands moved around marking line, moving again, and marking a line again. There was never any sort of pattern. Nor did he try and make anything, but drawings often did come out of it.


He liked drawing. It distracted  his mind. Let him focus on reality. On things that weren’t a figment of his nightmares and soothed the budding moments of wanting to snap and loose himself. It calmed him, which was a good thing.

He needed a safety net that wasn’t just his family whom sometimes seemed like they were drowning trying to understand his state of mind or the random friends that often lose once they learned he wasn’t normal. Nor would be normal, despite how much his theripst and doctors told him that things would get better with time.

Sometimes that would be just words. Look at his mother, the doctors couldn’t help her. She was too broken. Too many pieces. Not enough time in the world to fix her. And he didn’t want to end up like that. Broken and a shell of what she once was.


And that is why he was happy to have his sketches for he needed something he could control with his own hands. Mold and shape and have however he wanted. Make right.

It wasn’t much, but it was enough from losing himself completely to insanity.

Spindle was up until the wee hours of the morning drawing, not even realizing he hadn’t gone to bed until his sister’s alarm clock went off and she groggily got up for the day.

And life carried on like it normally did.

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Generation 15 Heir Poll [closed]

Last heir poll people. Crazy, yes, expecially since I can still remember that first poll like it was yesterday. Time has flown for the Amours, and I hope that you all will vote for who shall carry the Amour name to the end.

As you’ve probably guessed it from the DITFT rules, there will be two heirs for this last gen so the top 2 will be the ones to carry it forth.  So here our your 5 choices. Pick wisely. Pick for who you want to see. (Not to worry about age differences if it came to mind, I have a plan no matter how that goes)

Poll is at bottom.



Maroon Mila Amour
Nickname: Maroon or Mila
Gender: Female
Father: Milano
Small Write Up (to see their personality):
Music was where she could express herself the best. It always amazed her how a simple beat could change the way a person felt. How they moved. How it could send chills up a persons spine or make them want to do cartwheels in joy. Though she couldn’t make the strings and keys of interments work themselves she learned how to take music of others and twist it just so… and make it different. Make it better. Invoke more. Perfection.


Gender: Male
Father: Milano
Small Write Up (to see their personality):
Spindle had already been on edge from being woken up by his youngest sibling jumping on him to wake him up that morning. He could feel his head spinning even after breakfast where he took one of his ‘make-normal’ pills. It didn’t help, he noted as he left for school and a kid had pushed past him, not knowing… Spindles hand began shaking and before he broke in a full out tick his twin sister pushed a pad of paper and pencil in his hand. Her voice as soft as she muttered “They’re just lines” as she moved him to sit on a bench watching as slowly his hand began to create. At first it was nothing, but strokes with the pencil but as he turned to a second page he grew calmer, letting his mind focus on the paper. Focusing on the lines fast becoming a picture. They were both late for class by ten minutes, but the problem was adverted. At least, this time.


Nickname: Emmy
Gender: Male
Father: Camelot Siren
Small Write Up (to see their personality):
He was different. Some in the town say it was for attention, but if you asked him it was creativity. An art form he had learned from his Auntie Rara. And expression that didn’t have to deal with just papers like his brother had, but art through clothing. So often he’d spend creating and shaping new clothes. Sometimes for guys and sometimes for girls. Often the clothes he made (for his auntie gave him supplies when he asked her) ended up being worn by him. Sometimes it got him strange looks. Expecially if he made more feminane outfits. But skirts and dress and pants and shirts, they all were so wonderful and colorful and  how could he possibly say no to any of that. Aunt Rara sure didn’t care. 


Raspberry Rose
Nickname: Rose
Gender: Female
Father: Camelot Siren
Small Write Up (to see their personality):
Even from when she was little, she was always good at acting. She could make any story believable and able to copy anything she saw. Facial expressions she saw on tv would often be duplicated in the mirror later on in the day. The only thing she was not allowed to duplicate was her eldest brothers expression even if they were the best, because it felt like mockery and hurt his feeling. Oh well, at least she had other people. 


Gender: Male
Father: Cinereous Cadmium
Small Write Up (to see their personality): 
He had magic in his fingertips. From sculpting to tattoos he could make beauty out of nothing. He had watched his brothers work their diligently at their own arts and made him try his hardest for him. He wanted his family to be proud of him and strive his own way since he was the baby of the family. He craved independence and so much more.


So whom shall it be?

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Colors of Amour: Gen14.12: Azure Plum Amour


I ditched my heels somewhere along the way, letting my bare feet slap painfully against the concrete road. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but all I knew was it was somewhere in the vicinity of ‘away from there’ and making sure every second as I grew tired and my feet started aching from pain I kept on going another step and another step forward.

I soon ended up on grass, letting the cool blades sooth my aching feet as I pushed forward. I knew soon I’d have to stop all together because even every movement on the grass became painful, but I let my mind focus on that rather then be forced to deal… with that.

Then I heard the sound of a river I stopped sat down on the riverbed letting my toes -and finally my whole feet which were covered in blisters- submerge into the cold water.

A groan of appreciation escaped my lips as it numbed them.


I want to be numb, I thought as I stared down at the water. I didn’t want to deal with the emotions like I had been for… so many years now. I was so tired of it all.  

Tears glistened my cheeks as I let my mind reflect back on what I had seen. I was suppose to have gotten married today. I should be saying my I dos. Tell Camelot as we had a slow dance that we were expecting. Not…

I buried my head in my hands sobbing to myself.


A hand hesitantly touches my back making me jerk from the unexpected contact. “Sorry,” a male voice mutters pulling his hand away and I turn and find myself face to face with this guy. He frowns at the sight of my tears. “Hey… Why are you crying?”

Something inside me snapped, my eyes narrowing as I hissed out, “Why am I crying? Why am I crying!? I’ll tell you why I’m crying. My berryhole of a sister was berrying making out with my berryhole of a soon to be husband. I found them in the bathroom fudging kissing! Fifteen minutes before showtime. Can you believe it?” He backed up as I continued to rant, “And that isn’t even fudging half of it.” I let out a forced laugh, “I’m berry’n’cream have a toddler and am pregnant with his kid. And I berrying wouldn’t have even married him but the fudging first man I fudging loved is dead in the ground and I only have memories and his twins to remember him by and I just… I’m …” I let out a shaky breath, “I’m not okay…”


The man chewed his bottom lip looking uncertain at what to say, before finally settling for telling me softly, “That’s rough. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“No, you’ve been through a lot. It’s understandable for what you’re feeling and you had to vent.” He gives me a lopsided smile. “It’s good to vent from time to time. Keeps one from losing their mind.”

“I’m Azure. Azure Amour.”

He grab the hand that I held out and shook it, “Cinereous Cadmium. But just call me Cad, everyone I’ve ever known does.”


“What are you doing out here?” I asked leaning back to stare up at the stars.

“Couldn’t sleep,” He shrugged and then pointed out a house on the other side of the river. “I live over there, and when I saw you out here, I thought I was dreaming.Or seeing a ghost or something.” He gave a soft laugh. “No offence, but you look pretty spooky by the water in that wedding dress in the middle of the night.” 

I couldn’t help but join in his laughter. I suppose I looked rather odd out here like that.  It was no wonder he was hesitant to touch my shoulder. Probably thought his hand would go right through me. I laughed harder even though it was really wasn’t all that funny of a situation, “And if I was a ghost what would you have done?”

He tossed his head back, “Ran screaming for the hills probably.”

“And what if I was a nice ghost and you hurt my feelings by running away?”


“Well, what if you were a mean ghost and were going to tear my head off my shoulders? That wouldn’t be nice thing at all. I do like my head attached to body thank you kindly.”

“Oh come on,” I say, lightly pushing his shoulder, “You totally look like you’d want to be the town’s headless horseman. Though you’d need a horse…”

“And if I didn’t find one that be just weird.” he said. “I’d have to run around. And I’m not sure that is all that scary. To tell the truth.”

“Doesn’t sound all that scary.” I replied, taking my feet out of the water to look at them. I cursed under my breath and poked one of the large blisters. “Running barefoot was a worse idea then running in heels.”


“Yeah. You aren’t walking any time soon.”

“Everyone is going to worry were I went to.” I mutter and then poke one of the blisters hard as I grumble annoyed, tossing my feet back in the river. “Well most of them.”

“You should call so they know your alright. I’m sure your kids are worried about where you’ve gone, you know…”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t … worry my kids.” I felt where my pockets should have been and then remembered I was wearing a dress. My phone was back at the church. I let out a groan of frustration, “I don’t have a phone.”

“Use mine.”


He hands me his phone and I take it carefully. “Thanks.” I mutter before quickly typing in  Rara’s number and press the phone against my ear. It rings once, then starts ringing again before she picks up. Her voice is filled with worry as she says, “Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“Azure. Oh thank berry.” I can hear movement in the background of my children wanting the phone to speak to me, but Carrara quiets them before questioning. “Where are you? Are you okay? Do you want me to come and get you?” 

“I’m by a river… Um-”

“Sugar River.” Cad offers up and I can only stare at him with wide eyes. I had walked all the way there. Exactly how long had I been walking? He nudges me when I don’t speak up right away and I clear my throat.


“Sugar River. A person who lives by the river saw me and let me borrow their phone.”

She sighed relieved before saying, “Your parents and grandparents are worried sick. They left me in charge of the kids while they took off looking for you.”

I fidget feeling guilty for everyone worrying about me, “Do… they know why I took off?”

“Yeah… it wasn’t that hard to figure out. Well…” The phone sounded muffled as she muttered, “You sister came and found us after you yelled and ran out of the church. I swear she was proud of what she did. Long story short your grandma gave quite a smack-down on Camelot and your sister.”” I felt my body shake and removed my feet from the water and tucked them under me. Rara’s soft voice was even softer as she murmured. “I’m sorry Azure. I didn’t think she’d-“


I was shaking now and I’m sure she could hear it in my voice. “It’s fine. Java’s good at hiding things. So, I don’t think anyone think she’d do that.”

“Your Grandpa says Camelot might have been-“

“I don’t care about him. I don’t want to see him. Or talk about him.” I said cutting her off. “How are my kids?”



“Tell them I’ll be home soon. And that I love them.” I say softly feeling an ache as I hear the three of them begging to have the phone to talk to me, but I’m not sure I could handle their questions of why I disappeared and there wasn’t a wedding or why Camelot and Auntie Java were being disliked so much. I couldn’t handle it right now.

“I will. And I’ll come and get you as soon as I can get someone to watch these kids. So your all the way out by Sugar River, eh? Do you know what part or even more of a direction for me to-”

Cad lightly pokes my arm and says softly. “Tell her not to worry. I’ll take you home-”


“Oh I-” I stop when he give me a determined, puppy dog eye sort of look and I sigh before turning to listen to the phone where Carrara is rambling on about directions she needed. “I got told he’d drive me home. So I’ll be back in however long it takes us.”

“Are you sure it wouldn’t take me-“

“I’ll be okay.  Give the kids a kiss for me and make sure they get ready for bed, if they aren’t already. I’ll see you guys in an few.”

Carrara sounded conflicted. “If your sure.”

“I am.” I said, “Hanging up now.”

“Okay… be safe.” Carrara said something away from the phone and suddenly I heard my three kids shout, “See you soon Mommy! Love you!!!!”


I hung up the phone crying. And through my tears I handed back Cad’s phone to him and he rubbed my arm comforting as I wiped away my falling tears.

“They sound like a great group of kids.” He said with a gentle smile.

“Oh, they are. They are…”

* * * * *


After what had happened with Milano and Camelot, I didn’t expect to love again.

So that is why I am taken by surprise. And I’m not sure how. Or when. But the man I met by the river quickly finds a place in my heart. He doesn’t ask much of me, and it’s just so easy loving him. So quickly I realize this.

The kids adore him and as does my family. Well the ones I speak to anymore. (Last I heard Java was in a custody battle with her ex-husband over who their kid would be staying with. A problem I am thankful Camelot hadn’t put me under since he bowed out gracefully from my and my kids lives.) And even Rara, even though she pretends not to, enjoys this lighter side of me that has come back out because of him.


Unlike Camelot, often Cad goes with me on my visits to see Milano. When he goes, he brings fresh flowers as he listens to the stories I tell about my first love when I get all sentimental and start blabbering on about such things.

It’s just so easy to love him.

It shouldn’t have been that easy. It shouldn’t remind me of Milano all over again where I was becoming so head over heals for the guy. Just so easy to interact with him. Too easy for him to slip in and fill the cracks my heart had taken over the years.


And that was why one evening when the kids were all over at my parents/grandparents house I mentioned that I wanted to try for a baby. Of course Cad asked if I was sure and I could only kiss him and smile brightly. I was very sure on the matter, especially since Rose (the youngest one, now almost 1 and half, who I was pregnant with when I met Cad) was soon not going to be such a little infant anymore and soon Eminence would be off to school with the twins whom wouldn’t be long before they were full grown teenagers.

So we started trying for a baby and it wasn’t long before I found the exciting news. Pregnant again and it was a wonderful feeling. I felt my life was finally heading in a direction I wanted it to. Full of love and laughter and joy.

And it was beautiful.

But then… like all things do, they change.

It was just a few months after Cherub had been born. I was just tucking in the younger kids to bed when I heard a loud scream come from Spindles room. My heart dropped as I made my way to his room to find … oh berry no…


Blood was everywhere and there on the carpet laid Cad. Dead. A woman next to him was coughing up blood as she tried dragging her bleeding body towards my son with pleasant whispers of “Io-chan” which meant nothing to me as motherly instinct took over my unable-to-process-this mind and forced my body in between me and my son.

His safety, and that of all my children, became the only thing I was focused on as my eyes met this woman’s glazed over eyes. She reached out for him movements slow. Time was slow as I grabbed hold of something.

And then she was dead. And my mothers and grandparents were there. I was dimly aware of things being said. Muffled mutterings of all the children were safe… I can remember that. But as focus turns to Spindle, I reached down grasping, shaking, pleading with Cad to wake up. I couldn’t do this again. I hear screaming, but I’m too numb now to focus on where it comes from. Perhaps from me. It doesn’t matter as I’m sinking fast.

I couldn’t remember much after that…

I don’t really care to try.


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Colors of Amour: Gen14.11: Azure Plum Amour

For the next few years I hoped from one job to the next.


It’s not that I had been asked to take up a job, but I just wanted other things to do since the twins’ had plenty of people to watch them. If my moms weren’t watching them then Nana or Poppa was. And if neither of them could Carrara would swing by (having now, after such strange events started working for Pons), or I would just watch them.

I had once had Java watch the kids, but after one instance of her watching them for not even an hour and me picking them back up with both of them shrieking and unable to be calmed for a good while after.

Neither of them wanting to go back because of some “stwange ‘omin” that had been in her house, but even though I had confronted my twin about it she just shrugged and said there hadn’t been anyone in the house and maybe it had been their imagination.


Either way, I didn’t have my children over alone at her house, just to be safe.

Not that Java seemed to mind not having to watch my kids. If fact she seemed pleased not to have to take time out of her life for watching kids and diaper duty. I don’t know what her problem has been the last few years (well ever since we’ve been kids she’s been distant from me) but Java’s been acting weird even for her. And even when I mentioned that she told me it was none of my business how I was acting.

And that is the truth, it’s none of my business.


I have my own responsibilities that I’ve been dealing with. A job to go to and two kid to raise. Not to mention Nana and Poppa have been getting short with each other over something or other and its either my moms or I that have to go about getting them to talk to each other. But I don’t worry too much about them since it doesn’t take much for them to get back to being all making up for arguing with each other.

To be honest as time went on having grandparents and parents who loved each other so much made me miss Milano a whole lot, because to be completely honest I missed it. I missed the fights and making up and the dates. And I just missed him.

I was lonely. Sure I had my kids and my family, but I didn’t have Milano anymore.


And that is why, as these feelings started eating at me, the day he came into my work area for something or other, perhaps recognizing me (or was it just me having recognized him from that time he repaired our sink how many years ago) and started flirting with me and asking for me to go out for coffee… well, I agreed.

But I felt so bad after I had gotten off work and it hit me so hard with guilt that after I called Carrara to meet me, I drove all the way to the graveyard begging for Milano to forgive me. I hugged his headstone muttering how sorry I was. That I shouldn’t have done that and I was shaming his memory. I should just cancel the coffee with Camalot.

“I’m sure Milano would understand,” Rara said kneeling next to me.


“I just…” I tore at the grass around my feet, “I feel guilty. It should be Milano I am having coffee with, not some… guy who-” I growl in frustration and Carrara rubs my back in comforting circles as find a rock on the ground and chuck it towards the small pond. “It should be Milano doing all these things with me. But no!” My voice grew loud and angry. I grabbed another rock and tossed it. “He had to berrying die on me and leave me all alone.”


I sobbed into Carrara’s shoulder my angry disappearing quickly. I hadn’t cried this hard for him in such a long time. I certainly had never blamed him for dying before and it just added to my heartache as I whispered, “I’m a horrible person.”

“You are not.” She replied over my sobs. “You’ll always want him here with you. You’ll always love him and miss him. It’s natural part of grieving and there is a chance you won’t get over it, but Azure… you know he’d only wish you all the happiness in the world.”

 * * * * *


And I did go out with Camelot Siren for coffee.

He gave me his number after and for the next few months we talked over texting and calls and coffee. Nothing serious, like he had told me after I had broken down during our first coffee date explaining what had happened to Milano and the fact I had two kids. He was very understanding about it all. He didn’t expect anything of me. So our interacting with each other was nothing serious until I was ready for such a thing as considering it more.

And after a year of coffee dates, I we started going on normal dates. By two years things had moved quickly. I and my twins moved in with him and we even expected out first child which Camelot was overjoyed to hear. And I spent my maternity leave getting the nursery ready for our newest arrival, whom I found out would be a little baby boy.


I still would visit Milano’s grave at least once a week and tell him what was going on with my life. I think -or at least I hoped- he’d be happy with how my life was going. 

And as happy as I was with Camelot, it wasn’t until another year and a half had passed before I agreed to marry him. Not because I didn’t love him, but because there still had been days that I struggled over Milano and that guilt that it wouldn’t be him I married.

Camelot was still understanding of it all and one night over dinner, I agreed to be his wife.

* * * * *


My wedding day.

A day I didn’t think I’d ever see.  The twins were already eight and if you saw one of them the other wouldn’t be that far away. Something that in truth I was glad they had and I wished I had with my own twin.

At the mention of her I turned to my Mom. “Did Java get here yet?”


“Yes, she got here five minutes ago with Bermuda.” She replied without missing a beat. Bermuda Foam was Java’s barely year old daughter. “Java said that her husband wasn’t able to make it because of work. Rara is playing with Eminence-” I smiled at the mention of my two year old, “-while Mom is entertaining Spindle and Maroon. And as for Dae and Dad… they are probably giving Camelot the third degree.” Her hands rested on my shoulders when my eyes widened.

“Is that really necessary?” I asked with a groan. “I mean I already have three kids. One of the- well.” I patted my belly, “Two are.”

“Expecting again?” Mama beamed and I nodded.

“I haven’t told Cam yet. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“A wonderful surprise.” She stared at my reflection and sighed happily. “I can’t believe my babies are all grown up and have kids of their own. It seemed not very long ago you were just a munchkin yourself.” She patted my shoulder. “You look so beautiful.”


“Thanks Mama.”

“Milano would think so too.” She muttered, softly wiping away the forming tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry baby girl I shouldn’t have-”

“No. It’s okay.” I said with a soft smile, “I know what you meant. And I’m sure he would. Um, are you done with-“I swished the dress where I stood, “-because I think I am going to run to the bathroom for some tissue paper and freshen my makeup up a bit before the ceremony starts if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, but be quick. I think everyone is suppose to get lined up and read in fifteen.”

“Okay, I won’t be long.” I promised before walking out of the room and down the hallway where the bathroom was partially open. I opened it all the way and horror and dread filled me as I stared at – No…


“Azure this isn’t what it looks like!” Camelot tried to say trying to push Java away who just looked amused by my findings.

Tears were welling in my eyes as I shook my head slowly, unable to fathom. We were going to get married. Java was married. Why…? I gulped loudly as I tore the engagement ring from my finger and tossed it as hard as I could at the two of them.

“I hope your berry happy with her!” I growled before taking off out the church doors and running as fast as I could away from this place. Even when I heard my name called I just continued to run, my high heals clanking loudly as I ran far away from there.

What a horrible day for a wedding…


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Colors of Amour: Gen14.10: Azure Plum Amour

Carrara’s house was just as I expected it to be. It was very… her. There were potted plants in the fireplace and just things that would be there in other homes. She set me up in her guest bedroom  and we’d go out so I could explore the town which seemed accustom to her odd fashion. And even tossed it’s own strangeness in return.


The two went by rather quickly. Often days she’d have me out and about seeing new things so I couldn’t have time to just sit around and mop. She made sure I ate (though it was fifty fifty chance it stay down for long) and even took me on a doctor appointment to make sure I was a healthy pregnant lady. Which I was a bit underweight so I’d have to work on that, but otherwise rather healthy in my early pregnant state.

The week was rather uneventful in comparison to the one day a woman decked out all in firefighting gear showed up at the door. And I swore I thought I knew her as the person, gone out as fast as she appeared, reminded me so much of Charlie.

Not that Rara seemed weirded out by that fact. Just more the fact that the plants growing in her fireplace was considered a fire to this strange firefighter.

So I headed back home, feeling a bit better about myself.


As the months passed my tummy grew and I stopped by often to visit Milano’s grave and tell him about what was new in dealing with our child. Children, excuse me. In my last doctor appointment I had found out I was carrying twins which came both as a surprise, but not so much since in my family there had been many cases of twins.

And not to mention, I was a twin myself.

“Can you imagine it.” I muttered rubbing my stomach after I had laid down some fresh flowers for his gravestone. “I can’t believe it’s been eight months already since you’ve passed. Our little ones will be here soon. I know you’d be here if you could.”

I paused to wipe away my forming tears. “I still miss you, but I’ve been getting better every day at dealing of a life without you. And I know you’d want that of me. You wouldn’t want me spending every day not living life like I should.” I placed my hand on the gravestone. “Just know I love you. And I’ll tell our babies all about you and what a great man you are, er- were…” I shivered from the cold snow. “I think I am going to head home now. It’s going to be a long winter, they say. But with snow, there comes spring. Right?”


“Right. Just as I knew I’d find you here.” A voice called out and I jumped having not expected Carrara to be standing rather close to me.

“Wha-what are you doing here?”

“Came by for a visit. Your Mum said you were out so I figured this is where you’d be. Hope you weren’t out here long. You’ll catch a cold.”

“I was just about to leave.” I protested, “And what about you?”


“What about me?” Carrara asked, tilting her head so I could see her face from underneath that large hat. “Oh, you mean why I arrive unannounced. Well, ever since you left or at least around that time. I’ve been getting these pamphlets ” She held out a paper and then squinted at the letters, “-foorrr…. Crustacean Dictation.  And no matter how many times I throw it away I seem to get more in the mail. It’s gotten quite ridiculous if you can imagine. My bathroom is filled with these little suckers.”


“So since it’s in the same town here I’ve decided to make it my business to go visit you and then tomorrow run down to this store and speak to get off their mailing list because I am not one to give in and buy something from a store just from pressured marketing.”


“Could I come with you?” I ask suddenly, “All this talk of crustaceans is making me hungry for shrimp. And jello. Shrimp with jello sound good.”

“Well fine. Tomorrow you can come with me and we’ll get you that which you are craving.”

“But I want it nooowwww.” I whined.

She peered at the paper again. “Well it is open 24/7 so we could stop by. You can get some shrimp and I’ll go talk to management… Fair enough?”

“Yes.” I say grabbing her arm and trudging towards the car, My cravings are getting the better of me as I am no bouncing on the heels of my feet at the prospect of shrimp. And I didn’t even like shrimp most days. Let alone pregnant. But I was craving it something horrible. “Let’s go! Let’s go right now, Rara.”


Five minutes later and we were at the store. Well parked outside as Carrara was giving it strange looks. There wasn’t even any windows to the store but I was quickly unbuckling and waddling over to the only door.

“Hurry up or no shrimp for you!” I say as she grumbles getting out of the car and heading my way. I open the door wide. Carrara right behind me and gasp the lights flicker. The place was trashed and smelled like something had died inside this place.

“What the-” I started to say but Carrara grabbed my arm telling me that we should just get out of here.


“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo….” A scratchy voice called out, wheezing heavily, as something grabbed my leg and started tugging.

I screamed. And looked down trying to pull my leg away from this… hobo? I pulled away from this person, falling on my butt in the process onto a pile of sand that was on the hardwood floors as Carrara bent down yanking the hand away from my leg and was a barrier between me and this … person. … Wait… did I know her?

“What are you doing here?” Carrara asked watching the hobo carefully, as if expecting this person to make a move. “You aren’t suppose to be here. This is- was? – a store… I think…”


“You… you… finally…” replied the person, followed by crazed, hysterical laughter.

“Azure go wait in the ca-” She began to say before turning her attention back on the wild haired woman, “Hold on…” Carrara said, eyes forming into slits, “You are the person that came into my house. You sent the fliers didn’t you. What do you want? Luring a person here like this. It’s creepy.”


I nudged Carrara’s shoulder as I carefully peered at the woman who was now wailing distresed, finally getting a close enough look. And it clicked. “I think that is Charlie.”


Carrara stiffened and kept one eye on Charlie as she asked me with uncertainty. “You mean the woman who went into your closet and never came out. Are you positive about that. 100 percent sure she is one and the same?”

“Yes, well it’s a bit hard to say for certain since she did have a horn when she went into my closet and she wasn’t all … like that but I’m pretty sure she is the same.” I replied.

Carrara poked the woman with her foot. “Oi! You. Stop crying.”


“But… failure….” Moaned the woman, flopping onto her cardboard in distress.

“Tell me who you are.” Carrara said. “You are really making me wonder if calling the police wouldn’t be such a bad idea, right now. Scaring a pregnant woman like that. And dashing her hopes and dreams for having shrimp.”

“Shrimp? Shrimp?” Her eyes got wide and almost panicked. “Food. I haven’t… eaten… since… since… the last time I ate…”

Wetness. I felt wetness and my eyes widened in panic when I realized where it was coming from. A groan of pain excaped my lips when I felt a contraction. No. It was too soon. I still had a month left before I was to expect any of this…  “Carrara-”


“Hold up Azure.” Carrara said her eyes not falling away from the woman. “Tell me. What is your name? Charlie, is it not. What is it that you want of me?”

“Rara…” I murmured, grasping her shoulder.


“Poooonnnnnssss…” said the woman reaching out for Carrara, before flopping over with a groan. “The plague is upon ussssssssss….” And then said woman fainted.


“RARA! I need the hospital noww.” I cried grasping my stomach. It was then she noticed that I was in labor and she cursed under her breath.

“Can you get to the car?”

I nodded slowly and with her help I stood up and started waddling slowly to the car as Carrara looked uncertain about the Charlie/Pons/crazed hobo before bending down and scooping her up and placing her in the back seat as I situated myself in the front trying not to panic about how early this was coming on. And how unready I was for it.

“Off to the hospital we go.” muttered Carrara as she started up the car.

* * * * *


Maroon Mila Amour and Spindle Amour quickly became the light of my life.  

Java moved out as soon as the twins were born, not wanting to deal with the noises they were making, so her half of the room got converted into a nursery. And I wasn’t the only one to become quickly attached to my little bundles of joy.

Everyone seemed to want to hold, feed, coddle, and love them up.

And with two babies in the house it wasn’t long before their birthdays rolled around and it became a time of baby proofing the house since they (with help from their grandparents) had started learning how to walk. But along with walking they had began learning how to talk and use the potty like big kids. At least, a start of it. 


It was nice. A feeling of somewhat normal had finally come back to me that had been taken away when Milano passed. Sure I missed him a whole heck of a lot. And yes, I still visited his grave every chance I got (often with Spindle or Maroon where I’d tell them stories of their dad), but I was going on with my life.

Mostly focusing on the kids.

I didn’t really feel the urge to start dating again and no one in my family pressured me to. To be honest I wasn’t even sure if I would. I was pretty positive I wouldn’t.

And then I met him and my expectations of the way things would be changed once again.


His name: Camalot Siren, and he had been called to the house to fix a kitchen pipe that had busted. And was leaking water everywhere. None of us were really experienced enough with pipes (Nana and Grandpa had gone away on second honeymoon while this happened) so we had to call an actual plummer.

I hadn’t really thought I’d see him after that, but I guess fate had other ideas in mind.

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